Since it’s been over a month since the first season of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina dropped on Netflix (on October 26th), we think it should be safe now to talk spoilers. Before we see this series’ undoubtedly terrifying twists with the Christmas special on December 14th, let’s reminisce about all the murderous plots, merciless nightmares, cannibalism, and witch orgies Season 1 brought. Here’s a look at some of our bite-size bests in this supersized edition of our Basic Superlatives.
1: Biggest Loophole:
This isn’t Sabrina’s first baptism.
When Sabrina ran away from her Dark Baptism and refused to sign the Book of the Beast and essentially sell her soul to the Devil, she was dragged into court on “breach of promise.” She tried a few things to save her own skin (including hiring a mortal lawyer with a success rate in witch trials), but the Biggest Loophole was Sabrina getting to have the best of both the mortal and witch worlds via double baptism. Turns out that while Edward Spellman had promised Sabrina to the Dark Lord as a baby, his wife, Diana, retaliated by having Sabrina secretly baptized in a church of God. It is interesting that Aunt Hilda was involved in Diana’s plan while Aunt Zelda was involved in Edward’s. This turn of events demonstrated that Sabrina’s dueling natures were fighting long before the official night of her Dark Baptism. Also, it showed that she gets her moxie from her mother when it comes to defying the Dark Lord.
2: Most Camera Ready:
Aunt Zelda is ready for her close-up.
Aunt Zelda may be a little overbearing and callous, but you would be hard-pressed to find a moment where she is not looking fabulous. Even when she’s bashing her sister’s head in with a shovel, there’s barely a curlicue out of place. And it’s no wonder since her portrayer, Miranda Otto, referenced the likes of Gloria Swanson, Joan Crawford, and Bette Davis (all actresses from the Golden Age of Hollywood) when crafting her performance for the character.
3: Most Committed Performance:
Madam Satan puts in the WORK.
After Madam Satan possessed the body of Ms. Wardwell, Sabrina’s teacher at Baxter High, she set to work carrying forth her plan to deliver the teenage witch into the…erm…hooves of the Dark Lord. Her plan was quite the intricate one, involving careful manipulation in order to gain Sabrina’s trust and the creation of a falsified backstory that Wardwell had been a witch all along, an old friend of Edward’s, meant to keep a watchful eye over his daughter in the event that her two aunties might need assistance with her upbringing. Not to mention that the phenomenal actress playing this character, Michelle Gomez, chewed up the scenery like the Coven during the Feast of Feasts.
4: Scene Stealer:
Ambrose can lean on us any day.
Speaking of Scene-Stealers, though, the ultimate one of the series so far has got to be Sabrina’s charming cousin Ambrose Spellman. This delightful character won over the hearts of many viewers with his attractive accent, irresistible smile, and impressive assortment of decadent robes to lounge around in. He RISKED DEATH to go on a date! How can we possibly not love someone who believes in love that much?
5: #Most Awkward Dinner:
An evening with “voracious slut” Father Blackwood.
When Prudence was selected as tribute to be sacrificed for the Feast of Feasts – sorry, “crowned Queen” so she could receive the “honor” of being consumed by the Coven – Sabrina suspected foul play at the hands of Mrs. Blackwood. Aunt Hilda humored Sabrina by baking a truth cake and inviting the Blackwoods, Prudence, and the other Weird Sisters to dinner. What ensued was the Most Awkward scene of the whole season (we do love a good Awkward Dinner scene). Father Blackwood was exposed as a lothario when the tea was spilled that Prudence is his illegitimate child. Mrs. Blackwood was exposed for secretly orchestrating Prudence’s death-via-cannibalism to take out the competition so her own children’s status as heirs could never be challenged. And when the other two Sisters had to go and assume (completely within reason) if they were his children as well and were met with that slap-in-the-face dismissal, “No, you’re just orphans”…well, that was just the cherry on top of the truth cake.
6: Scariest Episode:
Batibat torments the Spellmans.
Episode 1×05, “Chapter Five: Dreams in a Witch House,” featured the demon Batibat (whom Sabrina accidentally released from a witch version of a Rubik’s Cube) wreaking havoc on the Spellman household. The demon herself closely resembled one of the disgusting-looking witches from The Witches (a film based on the book of the same name by Roald Dahl). Basically, she was terrifying to look at and she was on-screen a lot. The episode was a trippy ride exploring the deepest, darkest fears of each Spellman in gory, horrific detail. Ambrose’s dream was particularly disturbing since he was forced to flay the skin off his own (very much alive and writhing) body on a never-ending loop! It was, in our opinion, the Scariest Episode of the entire season.
7: Biggest NOPE:
Witch cannibalism. Yikes.
The concept of the Feast of Feasts goes back to Greendale lore that tells of a witch named Freya who offered herself up as food for the starving Coven. Prudence, despite being crowned “Queen,” survived to the end of the episode thanks to a last-minute law-change by Father Blackwood. But, in a surprising twist, another witch named Mildred just couldn’t bring herself to let this tradition die and killed herself instead. This entire episode was strange and uncomfortable to get through (we are guessing that’s the point of the series, though), but when Mildred slit her throat and the entire Coven immediately started devouring her right there on the spot, it earned our Biggest NOPE of the overall series so far. In fact, we are willing to bet most of you turned away from your screens and we don’t blame you.
8: Most Shocking:
Sabrina slits Agatha’s throat.
What happened to you, Sabrina? Yes, we know this series is meant to be in the horror genre, but we never expected to see our sweet teenage witch actually kill someone! Since Agatha (along with Dorcas) set the wheels in motion which led to the death of Harvey’s brother, Tommy, in the mines, Sabrina felt Agatha should be the one sacrificed in her plot to resurrect him and she slit Agatha’s throat in cold blood. Even Ambrose was horrified at the actions of his dear cousin. It must have made it easier for Sabrina and Prudence (and us, once we were clued in, jeez) knowing that she could bring Agatha back to life using the Cain Pit on the Spellman property (which has brought Aunt Hilda back from the dead on numerous occasions), but it was still done pretty heartlessly. And afterward, when Agatha was experiencing zombie-like side-effects, Sabrina was much too focused on the newly resurrected Tommy, who appeared to be an actual zombie, to bother with her. This act had Sabrina going from chilling to ice cold and things would never be the same again.
9: Nicest Guy:
Nick Scratch appreciates boundaries.
When Nick Scratch first started showing interest in Sabrina, we all thought we were in for a typical love triangle between Sabrina, Nick, and Harvey. And then when he said he was “willing to share,” we had the same eyebrow-raising reaction as Sabrina (two boyfriends for her two natures, perhaps?). But once Sabrina made her choice about Harvey clear, we saw multiple instances of Nick showing respect and deference to her feelings and her love for her boyfriend. The scenes in the finale where he was holding down the fort with Harvey at the Kinkle house proved that he just wants Sabrina to be happy and sowed the seeds for a major bromance. He even took a moment to reassure Harvey that Sabrina loved him and what they had was real. The “two guys being jerks and duking it out over a girl” is a tired, common trope in media and we appreciate that this show decided to side-step that. We cannot wait to continue being surprised by this stand-up guy in Season 2.
10: Biggest Game Changer:
Sabrina signs the Book of the Beast.
The road from necromancy on was a slippery slope for Sabrina, which culminated in her signing her name in the Book of the Beast in the season finale. When Madam Satan did her own resurrection on the “Greendale 13” (an angry group of witches who were persecuted in the past), they, in turn, summoned the Red Angel of Death intending to get their revenge on the town. Sabrina was finally convinced to sign away her soul to the Dark Lord in order to gain enough power to use hellfire on them and save everyone. Now Sabrina is fully a witch and firmly under Satan’s thumb, she broke things off completely with Harvey, and it appears she is now besties with the Weird Sisters? Plus, she’s got a new platinum blonde ’do. The stage is set for things to be quite different next season!
Chilling Adventures of Sabrina returns for a special holiday episode December 14th and Season 2 drops April 5th on Netflix.
