Alexander Lightwood’s romantic journey has had its fair share of ups and downs. As a Shadowhunter, the uncompromising and critical military climate of his upbringing seemingly left no room for his own desires. He struggled to conceal and repress his true feelings throughout most of his early life. But finally becoming brave enough to take a chance on his happiness ended up being the best decision he has ever made. He has become an inspiration to the LGBTQ+ community as an example of a coming out success story. Through his romance with Magnus Bane, Shadowhunters also depicts the realities of falling in love for the first time – the sweepingly epic parts and the clunky messes. The fact that he is coming in so “late in the game” is also relatable for fans since more and more of us are finding ourselves pushing back at conventional romantic ideals until well into our adult lives.
During their delightfully awkward first date in 2×06 “Iron Sisters,” Magnus learned how truly green Alec really was to this relationship stuff; but as he correctly pointed out, Alec is different, and it’s a good thing. His inexperience is actually the biggest part about what makes him such a good boyfriend! Hear me out. Falling in love for the first time gives him the freedom to dive in fully, unafraid of the pain of heartbreak and unfettered by what is “expected” in a relationship. With inexperience comes a refreshingly uncynical romantic outlook. Here are the most helpful takeaways from Alec Lightwood’s romantic accomplishments in a beginner’s guide to romance, if you will.
Don’t Push Someone Away Just Because They’re a Hard Choice
Alec loves fiercely and is steadfastly loyal – sometimes to a fault. Firmly focused on his family, he repeatedly pushed Magnus away in Season 1 under the false assumption that choosing Magnus would be an entirely selfish act. This behavior continued into the first episode of Season 2. “I don’t push someone away just because they’re a hard choice.” When Alec expressed this sentiment to his mother, it was in defiance to her disowning his adopted brother, Jace Herondale, from their family. But he was also on his way to make amends with Magnus. In this episode, Alec finally came to realize that his own happiness affects more than just himself, thus completing the important arc he began in 1×12 “Malec.” In many ways, Magnus is, by his own admission, “a lot to get used to” for Alec, but this is not an excuse for throwing away what they have together. Alec often uses this value when reevaluating both who and what is important to him. Don’t give up on someone just because the going gets tough. This thought process can be useful when considering whether to start a relationship when the odds seem stacked against you; and during the trying times of a relationship, it can stand as a reminder about why it was worth it in the first place.
Apologize When You Know You Are Wrong
When Alec realizes he has made a mistake, he is quick to apologize for it. Acutely aware of his own inexperience, he doesn’t let his fear of inevitably doing the wrong thing stop him from going after what he wants. When Alec made a pact with Magnus to put in the effort, he also made his own pact to not beat himself up about being wrong – a massive step for someone who grew up expecting to be punished whenever he screwed up. Their commitment to supporting and loving one another, despite each other’s flaws, is a huge part of why fans love Malec so much. Being in a relationship has taught Alec that mistakes don’t have to be an end-of-the-world situation as long as there is such a thing as unconditional love.
Take Advice from the People Who Know What They’re Talking About
Listening to the advice of those who have been in relationships before, especially when coming from those who know and love you, is an invaluable resource. Magnus has taught Alec to go with his gut when it comes to love and the matters of right and wrong. Isabelle Lightwood, Alec’s younger but more experienced sister, has tried her best to stop him from overthinking things. These pieces of advice are similar in that they both promote the idea of letting your heart take the lead over your head. His sister and his boyfriend know that Alec has a good heart and how useful that can be as a compass for navigating through life. They also know about the benefits of embracing and acting on their inner truths. While Alec being naturally cerebral often helps him remain level-headed, he also has an extremely reliable gut that never leads him astray if he actually chooses to listen to it. Using a balanced combination of these qualities has resulted in him becoming a better romantic partner and leader.
Do Things in Your Relationship Because You Want To, Not Because They Are Expected
Alec moves fast in his relationship because he is not held back by pre-established “rules” about dating. He has an awareness that these ideas exist, but he lacks an understanding about what exactly they entail. The events of 2×07 “How Are Thou Fallen” were a romantic tipping point for Alec. He found himself buying Magnus a gift that symbolizes “luck and protection” just because, and then later, asking Izzy about the “right time” to consider having sex with your partner. She told him to stop worrying and just “go for it” because she could see that it was the right time for him. Soon after, in 2×08 “Love Is a Devil,” we saw Alec use the party for his little brother’s rune ceremony as a way for his family to see that he was fully committed to Magnus. Letting go of the thought that there are dating guidelines to follow has allowed Alec to fully surrender to the experience of falling in love. You and your partner should move things along however fast or slow you want depending on what you both agree feels right. Every relationship is different. Similarly, be intentional about your bold romantic gestures. If they come from the heart, they will be appreciated and treasured just like Magnus’ omamori.
Dare to Be Unfiltered
Alec’s romantic genuineness doesn’t start and stop with his actions; it also causes him to speak freely from a direct line to his heart. What might sound cliché coming from others has sincerity when coming from Alec because he quite literally means what he says. In the Season 2 finale, Alec telling Magnus, “I don’t think I can live without you,” was a fact as far as he was concerned. His life had changed for the better since being with Magnus and he had a real fear about going back to the way things used to be. Some of his romantic declarations are so unfiltered, they actually end up being quite original in their bluntness, such as the iconic “I love that face” line he lovingly delivered in 2×15 “A Problem of Memory.” Simple statements like these are complex in the amount of meaning they convey. If you let your feelings dictate what you say, your partner will never question the strength of your love because you won’t be able to stop yourself from reminding them every day.
Alec’s romantic approach is freeing in that it lets him be every bit of his true self. He has chosen to let his inexperience be the thing that empowers him in taking that courageous step into committed relationship territory. Magnus Bane has been the best thing to ever happen to Alec, and he has definitely not been taking that for granted. He has meant every step they have taken with his whole heart, and it has been a healthy and healing experience for them both. We will be sure to keep these tips in mind on our own romantic ventures.
Shadowhunters is available for streaming via Freeform for U.S. residents and internationally on Netflix. Shadowhunters returns with Season 3 on March 20th, 2018.
