This drinking game is only for Tall Girls.
Netflix is back with another rom-com, and I’ve subsequently upped the drinking game stakes (I’d suggest preemptively placing a glass of water and aspirin next to your bed). I watched the movie Tall Girl this past weekend and decided it would be a disservice to you all if I did not create a drinking game for this truly dumb movie experience. What follows is my take on this “film” and a drinking game to ease the pain of watching it.
Tall Girl. (Netflix)
Tall Girl is about Jodi Kreyman (Ava Michelle), an absolute downer who is wildly insecure about her height, which in turn makes her a horrible daughter, sister, and best friend. Jodi is from New Orleans; but, honestly, if they didn’t ride on a trolley or participate in a second line to the opening song of Beyoncé’s unbelievable Homecoming performance, I couldn’t have told you where it took place. Not one single person has any semblance of a southern accent.
But back to the matter at hand, Jodi is tall, like really fucking tall. And I get it; if I was that tall at 16, I’d be insecure, too. I was insecure about being 5’6” (also my current height) when I was in sixth grade, so I can relate.
The movie at its core is about Jodi wanting to get with this tall Swedish exchange student Steig (Luke Eisner), pretty much solely on the basis that he’s taller than her (as if this movie wasn’t stereotypical enough). But, of course, like any rom-com, there are many hurdles to face which I will not spoil for you.
Jodi is really tall, you guys. (Netflix)
There also happens to be some generally bananas parts of this movie that just need to be addressed. For example, at one point, Jodi’s kind and selfless father attempts to make her feel better by inviting a bunch of giant adults to recruit her for their tall people cult. She, thankfully, but also rudely, turns down their offer to join the Tip Toppers (yes, you read that correctly).
However, the amount of times she gets asked “How’s the weather up there?” is insane to me. Think back to grade school and honestly tell me how many times you asked a tall person how the weather was up there. Was it zero times? That’s what I thought! It’s a dumb question because the weather is obviously better and the air much clearer. The fact that you even need to ask is absurd.
If you like, or even just feel bad for, Jodi at the beginning of the movie, I’m here to warn you that those feelings may change when you see what a horrible friend she can be to both of her best friends, Fareeda (Anjelika Washington) and Jack Dunkleman (Griffin Gluck). Although, I will say it might be justified with her dude friend because he is TOOO thirsty for Jodi. No means no! That unrequited crush you have is just creepy and not romantic AT ALL when you’re that persistent. And if you can guess what he has that milk crate for early on like I did, the pay-off is just as creepily annoying and NOT romantic as you’d expect.
Jodi and her clingy bestie, Jack Dunkleman. (Netflix)
To be perfectly frank, I did not enjoy this movie. Not even a little bit. Her best friend and sister made the film tolerable at best, but even they could not bandage this open wound of a Netflix Original.
However, if you find yourself with a free afternoon and want to mindlessly pass the time (whilst getting pretty drunk) then make yourself a strong whiskey highball, put the movie on, and strap in for one hell of a drinking game because — unlike the weather up there — this movie is not good. Not good at all.
Tall Girl Drinking Game Rules:
SIP WHEN:
Someone asks “How’s the weather up there?”
Jodi calls herself the Tall Girl
Jodi refers to the size of her feet
Harper is in a pageant dress and/or a crown
Harper sneezes
DRINK WHEN:
You remember the movie takes place in New Orleans
Kimmy speaks a language that isn’t English
Jodi plays piano
Someone kisses
SHOT:
Jodi slams her door
Shoes on the bed
That’s it for this edition of the Netflix Rom-Com Survival Kit. Did you survive this brutal drinking game? Hit me up on Twitter and let me know what you thought!
Tall Girl is available now to stream on Netflix.
